


Somebody Force Me To Care

by klainelover27



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Depression, Drama, Everyone Lives Together In New York, F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, Finn is alive, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Bashing, Homophobia, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, No Kurt/Adam, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, no adam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26983627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainelover27/pseuds/klainelover27
Summary: All of the first-gen glee club kids are graduated and are living together in New York. What happens when Kurt starts to break down from stress and starts to resort back to old habits? Can his glee club family save him or is Kurt to broken to fix?Basically how Kurt felt in seasons 4 and 5, maybe even 6. Basically season 5 though.
Relationships: Artie Abrams/Kitty Wilde, Artie Abrams/Tina Cohen-Chang, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Emma Pillsbury/Will Schuester, Jake Puckerman/Marley Rose, Mike Chang/Tina Cohen-Chang, Quinn Fabray/Noah Puckerman, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	Somebody Force Me To Care

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so please post nice comments and critics. Also I'm a sucker for P!TAD and I'm very salty about the fact that they never sang any of those songs. I changed some things so take that in account when your read:  
> -Kurt has depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, anorexia which will later develop into bulimia. Please don't read if you are triggered by any of those things.  
> -Brittney and Sam never dated  
> -Finn and Rachel never broke up in season 4  
> -Brittney and Santana never broke up in season 4  
> -Tina never gets excepted into whatever college she was originally excepted into  
> -Brittney didn't go to whatever school she went to because that storyline was stupid  
> -The New Directions won Nationals because I wanted there to be a happy ending at the end of this chapter  
> -Kurt never met Adam  
> -As of right now Kurt never quits working at Vogue  
> -There's no 100 or New Directions episode so Rachel and Santana make up before hand

Kurt liked his space. If he had his own space then he could design and organize everything to his liking. When he lived in Lima he had his own room while Sam and Finn shared and his dad and Carol shared. He was used to everything being done a certain way. So he knew that sharing an apartment with Rachel wasn't going to be easy. They were both very particular people who had to have things done their way. Thankfully, Kurt came up with the idea of privacy curtains. Sure they could still here everything that happened outside of their rooms but nether of them were in a relationship so it wasn't awkward or anything for them. That was until Santana moved in and Rachel started dating Brody.

First of all, Santana just showed up, unannounced and expected him and Rachel to be okay with her moving in. Sure they were all friends but Kurt knew that wasn't going to stop Santana and Rachel from going at each other every chance they got. But then again who was Kurt to turn her down. So Santana moved in. Then there was Brody. Kurt hated Brody. Sure he made Rachel happy and Kurt wanted her to be happy, especially after seeing her so devastated about Finn not calling her but he knew that Brody wasn't the guy for her. Sure he was hot, Kurt had to admit that but he was to perfect. For god's sake he looked like a Ken Barbie doll. A guy that perfect had to be hiding something. Kurt shared his concerns with Rachel but Rachel shut him down saying that he was just jealous and that once Kurt found someone else that he would be happy for her. So he stopped expressing his concern. Brody spent every night at their apartment and Kurt listened to them fooling around every night. "God" he thought to himself one morning, exhausted from lack of sleep due to the couples noises, "Why couldn't they just break up already?". 

Things got bad for Kurt when Santana found out about the two. She instantly hated Brody. Kurt tried to get her to let it go but he knew it was no use. He was talking to Santana after all, who eventually always got her way. Every night Brody and Rachel would make the most obnoxious noises to known to mankind and every morning Kurt would get up tried. He would do his routine and then head out of his "room" to make everyone breakfast. Santana would then come out of her "room" and would talk to Kurt about "the hobbit" and "the Barbie doll" usually coming up with a new insult to use on them. Kurt just listened and didn't really engage in the conversation. Then Rachel and Brody would come out, Brody usually naked which after awhile Kurt just ignored along with everything else and the fighting began. 

"So what'd you do last night, Hobbit?" she remarked. "Heard an awful racket." 

"None of your business, Santana." Rachel would retort back, blushing. "Now shut it."

"No I don't think I will." Santana would say and they would argue and fight, while Brody just sat back with his million-dollar smile and Kurt would just stand at the stove, wishing that the food would cook faster so he could hurry up and leave.  
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So one day Kurt just stopped eating breakfast. He couldn't stand hearing the two go at each other any longer so he would get up super early, do his stuff that a certain Kurt Hummel had to do each morning and left without bothering to even make some coffee. If he was being honest, he didn't really feel like eating anyway. To be honest, Kurt was depressed. He missed his simple Lima days, going on dates with Blaine or going shopping with Tina and Mercedes, hell he missed hearing Rachel's nagging voice everyday in the choir room. God he would do anything to go back to those times. Now he didn't have Blaine, he didn't have Glee Club, he rarely kept in touch with anyone except for Rachel and Santana. He didn't really have anything going on for him in New York. Sure he had Vogue but what he really wanted was NYADA and the fact that he didn't have it made him even more depressed. It made him feel worthless, like he wasn't good enough for anything. Not having Blaine hurt him the most. They were soulmates and he was hurt that Blaine cheated on him. Maybe they didn't have to break up over it but at the time Kurt was angry and hurt and he wanted nothing to do with him. He would've tried talking to Blaine but he felt like the damage was done. Blaine was coming to New York for Christmas though and Kurt couldn't wait.

Usually he got to Vogue early and did whatever work Isabelle gave him. Isabelle Wright was a wonderful women who Kurt cared dearly for. Isabelle cared dearly for Kurt too, asking him about NYADA and Blaine. Kurt loved her like he was his mother. Once he was done at Vogue he would walk around the park, deep in his thoughts, until it got dark and then he headed home. He avoided Rachel, Santana and the "Barbie doll" and went straight to his room. There he would do the things a certain Kurt Hummel would do to get ready for bed. He would them crawl into bed and he would think. Sometimes the thinking would be accompanied with crying but mostly just thinking. Thinking when he had started to feel this way. Why he even felt the way he did? Why he wasn't happy? He thought he would've been happier in New York, it was the city of dreams but he felt empty and hopeless. He was overwhelmed and on edge. He liked to be alone but at the same time he longed for someone, anyone really to ask how he really was doing. And he would break down and tell that person everything, all the confusing emotions he was dealing with. How he even wanted to die sometimes. And he wanted that person to comfort him and tell him that he would be alright, that they were there for him. He wanted that person to be Blaine, whether he actually admitted that to himself or not. He wanted to feel alive. This was Kurt's breaking point.  
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Eventually Brody and Rachel broke up. Finn finally contacted him and Rachel and told him that he was alright but that he was discharged from the army and that he was currently trying to make his way back home to see everyone. Rachel couldn't wait for that day and Kurt was happy to see his friend happy again. Blaine and Kurt were back together, better than ever for they were engaged. Kurt was happy. Happier than he had been in a while. He still wasn't eating and maybe he had a panic attack every now and then but if anyone let on he would shut them down and insist that he was fine. Kurt knew he shouldn't be lying but he didn't want anyone to worry about him. Rachel had her Funny Girl show to rehearse, Santana wasn't the best person to talk to, Finn was MIA and Blaine was busy preparing for nationals. So he just went with the flow. He was going to NYADA now and he was still working at Vogue. "Everything was fine." he kept telling himself. "Nothing to worry about." Until Santana went and auditioned for Rachel's understudy.  
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That awful day broke Kurt. He was doing fine, just fine and then chaos ensued. Rachel came home and told Kurt how Santana sang "Don't Rain On My Parade" while auditioning for her understudy and she showed him the video. Kurt had to admit, Santana did look a lot like Rachel at their very first sectionals. But he reminded Rachel that she didn't own the song and that she didn't have the right to tell Santana that she couldn't audition. Then Santana walked in and they had a go at each other. Kurt could barely remember what happened all that Rachel slapped Santana and then informed them both that she was going to stay with Elliot, their New York friend and band-member. Before Kurt could get Rachel to at least talk it out with him she had left. "Great" he thought. "Not again." It didn't get much better from there. Whenever he would hang out with Rachel, all she wanted to talk about was Santana and the nerve she had to do this to her. Kurt reminded her once again that she didn't own the song and that she wasn't in charge of Santana. That was obviously a mistake. Rachel admittedly started shouting at Kurt, telling him that he was a traitor and that she didn't need this added stress in her life. Nether did Kurt so without saying anything else to her he left. Whenever he was with Santana, all she ever talked about was how "the hobbit" needed to get her head out of her ass. Kurt just nodded in agreement with her, not saying anything for the fear of her going lima heights on him. She asked him who's side he was on. Kurt was sick of all of this.

"You know what" he answered her. "This is ridiculous. Both of you are way out of line. Yes, Rachel can't control what you do and she doesn't own the song but Santana, you know how Rachel can get and we all know you did it out of spite. Just stop being stubborn and make up already. We're all friends for god's sake. Stop being so damn childish."

Santana couldn't believe that Kurt had said that. Kurt couldn't etheir and admittedly ran to his room, He was crying and shaking. "Another panic attack" he thought to himself. "Yep". Yep this was happening. He sunk to the floor and it felt like someone was pushing on his shoulders so he couldn't get back up. Why couldn't his friends ever get along? Why did their always have to be drama between them? At this point, he didn't know what to do. He contemplated on calling Blaine but lately whenever he called Blaine all he ever talked about was how the New Directions weren't listening to his ideas and it was tiring. "Maybe Mercedes?" he thought. "No she's on tour remember you idiot." He felt bad for lashing out on Santana and once he calmed down he decided that he would have to confront Santana and apologize for his actions. It seemed like he could never win. 

"Lady Hummel open up." Santana demanded, pounding her fists on the door. "What was that about? What's wrong?'

"'m sorry Santana. I'm really sorry but I'm fine. Honestly". "God, how could she be so clueless." He thought.

"Don't you dare lie to me Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. You open this door right now or god so help me I will knock down this door."

Kurt reluctantly got up and opened the door. He looked like a hot mess. His usually neat hair was matted and covered in sweat. He had snot running down his nose and tears streaming down his face. He was panting, gasping for breath and you could see his chest moving up and down, trying to let air enter his body.

"Kurt I don't know what's going on with you and I don't usually do this but I'm going to give you a hug, okay?" She didn't wait for the boy to answer she just embraced him into a hug and Kurt fell to the floor again.

"Please help me." Kurt begged. "I can't take this anymore"

"What do you mean?" Santana asked, she generally cared and she knew what he meant. She wanted to be wrong though.

"I wanna die." He sobbed. He couldn't believe that he was being so pathetic. That he had given his secret away. Santana felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She knew something was up but she didn't know it was that bad.

"Look Kurt. Look at me. I love you and I care about you. Blaine and everyone else loves you too. Don't you ever think that they don't and don't you ever do that to yourself, do you understand me? I'm here for you."

"Just don't tell anyone, alright? Please don't tell anyone. I don't want them to worry." Kurt pleaded.

"Alright I won't but I'm keeping my eye on you Hummel. What can I do for you?"

"Just hold me. Please just hold me."

And that's what Santana did.  
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Santana didn't want to admit that she was wrong to Rachel. She wasn't wrong, Rachel was overreacting but she was willing to do it for Kurt. She walked into the diner where the 3 of them worked and walked right up to Rachel.

"I have nothing to say to you..." Rachel started to say but Santana cut her off.

"Look Hobbit, I don't wanna do this anymore than you do but it has to be done and I'm gonna be the bigger person. I'm sorry for auditioning for the role of your understudy. You and Lady Hummel are right, I was being spiteful and hell I don't want to be a Broadway star like you two anyways. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry and I don't wanna fight anymore." Santana said all of this as fast as she could.

"Who put you up to this? I be it was Kurt." Rachel responded, not sure whether she wanted to except the apology or not.

"Yes it was Kurt..." Santana said hesitantly. "He's been going through a hard time and the fighting between us isn't good for him. You don't even have to talk to me just move back in, if not for my sake than his"

Rachel sighed. "Fine. I'll back my bags and I'll see you guys later. But it's not gonna be that easy Lopez. Got it?"

"Yeah whatever Hobbit. And if you ever tell Kurt that I told you what I told you about him then you're on my lists, alright? I swore that I wouldn't tell anyone about his breakdown."

"Okay I won't. Now let me get back to work."

Santana went to go get her apron, smiling to herself, knowing that she had done the right thing.

That night when Kurt saw Rachel with her bags, a big fat smile spread across his face.

"Oh my gosh, Rachel." he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm moving back in. We settled our differences and besides I was starting to get the feeling that Elliot wanted his bed back." Rachel remarked and went over to hug her friend. "Look Kurt I'm sorry I said those things about you. I was just upset alright. Do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do Miss Berry." Kurt replied and accepted the hug.  
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After the whole Funny Girl fiasco, things went back to normal. Well not Lima normal but New York normal. They were all flying out to Ohio to see the New Directions perform at Nationals and then they were staying in town to see everyone graduate. Kurt was excited to see his dad and Carol and especially Blaine. He hadn't seen him since the week that he and Sam spent in New York and he was dying to catch up with his husband to be. The day came and they all went back. They drove to their former high school and went straight to the choir room like they didn't even need to think about it, like it was in their DNA. Rachel was surprised to see Finn there. She went up to him and gave him a big hug.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here. Why didn't you call me?" she asked, now looking like she wanted to slap him for making her worry.

"I just got back to Lima a few days ago and Mr. Schue here told me that you were coming to watch Nationals so I decided to surprise you." Finn replied, hoping that she wouldn't stay mad at him for long.

Rachel just nodded and pulled Finn with her so that they could sit down. That was enough for him to know that she wasn't upset. Kurt went over to Blaine while Santana went over to Brittney. Kurt was surprised to see that the first-gen Glee Club kids were all here, Mercedes, Puck, Quinn and Mike. They were all here to watch the New Directions perform at Nationals and see everyone graduate too. Everything felt like it did back then, it felt normal and that made Kurt happy. 

"I hate to break up everyone's greetings with one another but we have a show choir competition to prepare for." Mr. Schue said as he clapped his hands together. He was happy to see all his former students back here and he was exciting for the next two weeks. "Let's get into it."  
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Over the next week all the Glee kids, new and old prepared for Nationals. The night before they all went out to celebrate at some fancy restaurant in L.A. Kurt really hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Blaine alone so they got a table to themselves so they could talk.

"So what's up with you, gorgeous?" Blaine asked, looking at his beautiful boyfriend. He was so happy that after all this time he and Kurt were now back together and soon were getting married.

"Nothing much. Same old New York stuff. Vogue, NYADA. Can't wait for you to be there." Kurt smiled at his fiancé. He hadn't been this happy, felt this alive in weeks.

"Yeah about that." Blaine started to say. "I don't want to overwhelm you but I'm not the only one who's moving to New York."

Kurt winced. He knew this was coming. He was bringing Sam and Artie with them. "Oh well it could be worse." he thought to himself. 

"What do you mean, you aren't the only one moving move to New York?" Kurt asked. He just needed to make sure that it wasn't anyone else.

"Well you know how Quinn, Puck, Mercedes and Mike all came back a little before you did?" Kurt nodded his head as to say keep going.

"Well Mercedes is moving to New York anyway for her new album that's coming out and Mike is teaching at some dance school there too. And well Quinn and Puck want to come so I kinda said that they could come stay with us." Blaine blurted out. 

"Blaine Devon Anderson how could you? This was supposed to be a trial run of us living together and then you invited 4 extra people to live with us? You've gotta be kidding me?"

"Hold on I'm not finished." Blaine added. "I kinda also said that Sam, Artie, Tina and Brittney could come too." Blaine said looking down at is lap.

Kurt sighed. "You know Rachel's not gonna be happy about this. Not if Finn doesn't get to come. And I'm the one who's gonna have to hear her nag me constantly until I break and allow Finn to move in. That apartment isn't big enough for 13 people. You're crazy Blaine. Truly insane."

"It won't be as bad as you think. Soon we'll get married and then we can move out and buy our own house. It's only temporary. Calm down, sweetheart."

Kurt hated being told to calm down. It just made him even more anxious. He just sighed again and let fate take it's toll. 13 people all living together. "This is insane" he thought to himself. All he was worried about right now was finding a big enough place for all of them.  
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It was the big day, Nationals. Everyone went into the dressing room, right before it was time for the New Directions to perform. Mr. Schue gave everyone the big pep talk. This was it. This could make or break them. If they lost then Glee Club was over. They had a lot riding on this but most importantly he just wanted everyone to have fun. Kurt felt nostalgic and almost wished that he could switch paces with Blaine just so he could perform again. They all put there hands in the middle and shouted "New Directions". Kurt gave Blaine a kiss on the cheek before he left the room. Mercedes, Mike, Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Mr. Schue and Kurt all went to go sit in the audience. The curtains opened and the stage let up. He saw Blaine start to sing his solo. It was "The Death Of A Bachelor" by P!ATD. Kurt started to tear up as he watched his husband-to-be sing. He was so handsome and he couldn't wait to marry the man. The next song was "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time" and Kurt realized that they were doing a tribute to the singer, Brendon Urie. He watched as all the kids ran on the stage and started to sing and dance. He had to say Mike did fantastic with the choreography and that that Marley girl was really good at singing. Lastly, all the graduates came together to sing "Roaring 20's". It was magical and they got a standing ovation when they were done performing their set. They all bowed and ran off the stage. The curtains closed and there was a brief intermission before the awards were given out. All the groups ran out on stage and the announcer came on stage. Kurt was really nervous and he noticed that everyone sitting around him looked very tense. Kurt fazed out. All he needed to hear was the New Directions in first place. "And in 2nd place we have Throat Expulsion which means that the winners of the 2015 National Show Choir Competition are The New Directions. Cheering and jumping filled the stage and everyone looked so happy and relaxed. The Glee Club was saved.  
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The day after everyone returned from Los Anglos it was graduation day. Kurt had to admit that Blaine looked handsome in his cap and gown. They all sat in the auditorium and waited for everyone to be called up. At the end everyone clapped and cheered and threw their caps in the air. Kurt was relieved. Everything had gone just like it should've. But he was also sad. Now he had to go back to New York with 13 of his friends and find a place for all of them to live. It was overwhelming for him and he knew that he would be left to do it. If he didn't do it then it wouldn't get done right. Being back in Lima, at his dad's and at McKinley had been a break for him. He was so happy and care-free and that all was going to end as soon as he stepped foot on that airplane. At least he had Blaine. "Things couldn't get too bad." he told himself, forcing a smile on his face. Oh boy was Kurt wrong though.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any suggestions for this fanfic or any other fanfics that they would like me to write then tell me them in the comments. I would love any feedback. Thanks everyone.  
> (P.S- See if you can guess what I based the title after :) )


End file.
